so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize