I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
