if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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