i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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