i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
