I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
