First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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