i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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