i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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