Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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