How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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