Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
