what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
