omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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