Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
