I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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