i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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