why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
