i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
