Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
