i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
