There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
