and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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