did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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