im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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