One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
