Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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