even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
