this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
