Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
