He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize