I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My life is pants optional.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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