I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
