I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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