grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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