You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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