If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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