Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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