me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
