Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
