just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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