I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
