So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
