I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
