Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My feet surprised me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
