I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize