Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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