Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
