if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dicks are not precious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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