U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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