I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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