Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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