At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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