my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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