My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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