I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
