great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
