dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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