I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
