Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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