Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
