don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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