we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
