I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
