Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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