I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My hand turned me down
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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