Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
