she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Holy shit dude........stairs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
