You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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