my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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