he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We talked him into tasing himself.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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