He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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