someone threw a dead crab at me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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