I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have fence marks all over my body
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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