forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
