Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You made out with two different species that night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
