what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
