you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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