i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
