im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
